i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
