Ketchup is God's man juice
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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