Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
