you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
