Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
