mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize