the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
