I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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