She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
