I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
