I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
