He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
