you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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