Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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