i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
