she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
