Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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