i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
