you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
