my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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