i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
