I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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