how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
