i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
