Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
third nipple confirmed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
