I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is Oprah even human
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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