Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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