Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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