Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
