Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Damn victory sex feels great
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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