Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
