Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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