"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there's paper in my vomit.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
