Me too!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
