her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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