We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
