I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
