The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i would punch a child for taco bell
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
