im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
