I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
