drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
