turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
