If that was your dad, he is hot
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
