In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
