I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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