First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
