aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
