I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
