How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
