If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
