Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your tits are I can't wait for
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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