my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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