is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
