Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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