You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
