Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need to align my fucking chakras
how does that bad decision feel?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
